Connie and I share a dynamic, powerful, uninhibited sex life as a married couple. This type of sex life must be founded on healthy communication…not just on sex, but on EVERYTHING. We talk and talk and talk.
We talk through problems. We talk about dreams. We talk about money. We talk about ministry. We talk about our kids. We talk about pur families. We talk about our hurts. We talk about our feelings. We talk early, late, and throughout the day. WE TALK!
It is true at times that we fight (though this is rare). I have made Connie cry more times that I care to admit. Yes, Connie has made me frustrated. Husbands know (maybe wives too) that no one can be more frustrating than their spouse (and vice versa). We even have recurring fights that come up – hard to let go things about money, respect, the air conditioner (smile), cost of things, spending too much/little, etc. BUT we NEVER STOP TALKING. We have NEVER gone more than 24 hours without talking it out.
A Key here is this…NO ONE EVER LOSES. We always win together. We always end up seeing where the other one is coming from, and one of us sees that we are/were wrong. We always both apologize. We remind ourselves and each other that we are on each others sides and that we are not the enemy.
How does this tie into sex? It is at the very core! In this group, we are going to deal with sex from every angle (pun intended). We are going to cover masturbation, stip teases, lingerie, oral sex, sex toys, sex positions, sexual fantasies, erotica, pornography, anal sex, body image, penis size, breast size/shape, vaginal size/shape, sexual pasts, sexual futures, and MORE. If you as a couple aren’t communicating well, you won’t be able to express, explore, or experience all that this sight has to offer.
In the Body of Christ, relatively few couples are experiencing Great Married Sex. The sad part is that it is usually only one partner that realizes it (though sometimes both know). In a survey by an established sex researcher, only 40% of men and 40% of women reported being physically AND emotionally satisfied with their sex lives. The sad part is that this was not 40% of couples, but of men and women. The thing to consider is how many of the spouses of those that reported satisfaction would rate their sex lives the same way?
This group is designed to GET YOU TALKING. If you are at a place where you don’t talk in marriage like you want to, then have a talk about THAT. If you have just been working around each other or co-existing, then I’m not surprised if BOTH of you don’t feel that the sex is great. Dare you even ask your spouse if they are EXTREMELY SATISFIED with your joint sexual relationship? If you hesitate to ask that question for fear of what roads that you may go down in your heart and mind, or for fear of what hurts and pains may be brought up by your spouse or even come out of you, then this is your sign that you NEED to start talking. Talk late. Talk early. Talk often. If you are not talking, then you are not intimate. If you are not itimate, then you are not having Great Married Sex.
I close with a real-life counselling story. A woman was getting ready to leave her husband. Connie and I met with the couple to see if we could intervene. During the conversation all sorts of hurts and pains were brought up. They had a lot that they needed to work through. One of the comments that she mentioned was that they did not have a good sex life. Later on, I aksed the wife, “Why do you think he is so interested in holding on to this marriage if it is so terrible? You don’t get a long. You don’t share the same vision. You feel he is always frustrated with you, and you don’t have sex??” It was right there that she stopped me. “Wait, Pastor Mike. HE has a good sex life. He gets sex from me, but it is just not good for me. He is fine. It is me that is not enjoying it.” It fell in the room like a ton of bricks. I was sitting in front of a couple that was having intercourse. It was routine. He was climaxing and she was giving him her body. But, she was rating it different than him. It wasn’t that there was no sex, nor was it bad sex. It just wasn’t GREAT MARRIED SEX.
You can start talking TODAY. You may need to start talking about what has stopped you from talking. If you are like most of us, you began your relationship where all you did was talk. I met with a couple last week who said that they would talk from the time they got off work at 5:00p until 5:00a th next morning. Each day they would tell themselves “Look, we can’t be on the phone all night again. We have to get some rest,” but even then, they did it again. Connie and I were the same way and we haven’t stopped. It is this foundation of communication that allows us to be totally close in the bedroom. We are not ashamed, afraid, or hindered. We have talk and we have trust. This allows us to be ultimately vulnerable in a way that ONLY we two can share. It is glorious!