The goal of Great Married Sex is to help renew your mind to married sexual purity and to help you find a roadmap back to Sexual Eden. Sexual Eden is a place of marital Exclusivity and TRUE monogamy. It is the place where “others” cease to exist in our sexual union. They do not exist in any form; not in images, influences, expectations, impressions, experiences, desires, ideals, or even in the form of replication. As we walk out this path with God and each other, we will look up one day and find ourselves back in the garden. Once again, we will be alone (just us three). We will be naked. We will not be ashamed.
Once we arrive in God’s originally intended sexual paradise, we are free to explore, discover, and enjoy. At this place of shame-free nakedness and aloneness, two possible pitfalls await us. First, we may feel so glad to finally be without “others” and so comfortable to be in a pre-fall state of mind that we may rest in the middle of the garden. This is a true tragedy because it discounts all of the other parts of the garden that can be enjoyed with our aloneness, nakedness, and shame-freeness still preserved and intact. God made the ENTIRE garden for us. He made it for our senses to enjoy – in seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching. Furthermore, He made our senses for the garden. He may have placed Adam at a specific place in the garden to start, but He did not intend for him to remain in that place. To do so would be mean that Adam would sell himself (and his wife) short of the fullness of God’s gift to them. If we are not mindful, this can happen to us sexually as well.
The second pitfall is to not respect the borders of the garden. No matter how vast the garden may have seemed at the beginning of our exploration, we will eventually find out that it has an edge. The edge, or border, is where not only our journeying must stop, but it is also where our desire must discover its boundaries. To fail to recognize this as the perimeter AND to willingly submit our desires to it is an act of disrespect to God.
In these two pitfalls, we discover the fine line between Eden Sex and its counterfeit. To fail to explore and enjoy all the way to “the edges” of our physical union is to say that God’s design is insufficient to ENGAGE our appetites. To fail to stop at the borders (in both action and desire) is to say that God’s design is insufficient to FULFILL them. In either case, we have missed it. If we fail to thoroughly explore, we miss out on the full glory and beauty of the garden. If we ignore its borders, we have left it behind entirely.
I am convinced that it will take many hours of posts and writings along with many more hours of discussions with each other to begin to locate the garden, let alone explore it. Furthermore, it will take much elaboration (on top of much clarification) to discover and define the borders. You will find that Great Married Sex (its articles, discussions, exercises, etc.) is continually shifting back and forth between these two missions. At one point, we will nudge you as a couple to go further into the garden than you may have walked on your own. Then, almost simultaneously, we will tug you back from the lines that you may not have realized you were crossing.
HOW MUCH CAN WE EXPLORE? WHERE ARE THE BOUNDARIES?
This is a topic that will be under considerable discussion. It is what many couples want to know for many reasons, not the least of which is that they don’t want to dishonor God or their spouse. This is a good motivation. Fear of doing wrong is always good for getting people to stay in line. Would to God, though, that finding out what is wrong were the only difficult part. Finding out what is good and right can also present a challenge for some couples. Keep in mind that the Inventor of the stick that keeps us back also invented the carrot that draws us forward. The carrot, in this case, represents all the bliss that comes from Great Married Sex. It is worth being sought out and pursued. The stick, however, represents the consequences that come from passing the boundaries. This can be VERY painful emotionally (and even physically). The primary casualty is intimacy. We must be ever so mindful here, because the cost is not always fully appreciated at the onset of our crossing. The excitement of falling over the wall to a place outside of Eden is so exhilarating that we fail to appreciate what it will take to get back over into God’s intention and design. We often build a ladder to facilitate our “escape” from God’s “constrictions,” only to learn that on the other side (apart from God), there are not useful tools for finding our way back.
We must be cautious that we are not so wrapped up in following the carrot (the bliss and passion) that we bypass the borders and feel the sting (shame, hurt, and loss of intimacy) that comes part-and-parcel with exceeding God’s intent/design. At the same time, we must make sure that we are not so afraid of the stick (paying a price for crossing the line in our marriage bed) that we fail to reach for the carrot (enjoying God’s intended fullness in the gift of Married Sex).
In the areas of exploration and boundaries, the “resistant spouse” always plays a role, though not always a good one. When it comes to exploration, the resistant spouse doesn’t want the Married Sex to venture too far from where it currently is (or from where it has been). This is unfortunate, because there are so many wonderful things that God has made to enjoy in Sexual Eden. The spouse that resists exploring may do so for many reasons. They may assume that God wants them to stay put. Or, they may be persuaded that exploration is not worthwhile, because they already know that they won’t like whatever else there is to discover. Sometimes, they may feel that further venturing is not necessary, because the spot they have settled in is more than adequate. In (sadly) a lot of cases, a spouse may be resistant to exploring because they have already been to some places that they have closed their minds to ever going to again. Sometimes, they were taken to these places against their will (molestation/rape/abuse). Other times, they went to places willingly that they now wish they had not. Sometimes their new lover can invite them to a place that they feel will only stir up memories of places they are desperately trying to forget.
No matter the cause or the simplicity/complexity of their solutions, living with a sexually resistant spouse can be highly frustrating to the adventuresome spouse, who feels that they are in a strait betwixt two places. On the one side, there are the boundaries – they are not allowed to explore or enjoy Sexual Eden with someone else. On the other side is their lover, who they feel is robbing them (though often not “willingly”) and being robbed themselves of seeing and enjoying God’s best in their marriage. In time, Great Married Sex will attempt to address many of these issues. For now, just take comfort in the fact that you are wanting to find Sexual Eden in your marriage once again. If this were not your desire, I don’t imagine that you would be reading this in the first place. Keep this in mind too: I don’t believe that the sexually resistant spouse is always the same person in every case. In the case of a exploring a new sexual act (oral sex, etc.) it may be you that is resistant. At the same time, when it comes to some new form of expanded foreplay, it may be your spouse that drags their heels. This group will hopefully help you with experiencing God-endorsed, Married Sexual expression in all of its forms.
For now, let me just give you the high-level explanation of the borders of Sexual Eden. There are high walls on the North, South, East, and West that should not be crossed in mind, desire, or body. At times, you may find yourself tempted to go over one of these walls – even if only in consideration or imagination. Typically, the other spouse (who is not being pulled on by desire or even curiosity for that matter) will be able to quickly keep their partner from looking/climbing over the wall. This is how we balance and protect each other. The real danger is when both partners start to let their appetites wander up the wall to see if they can at least peek over. Typically, both partners don’t get the idea at the same time (though this is not unheard of). Usually, it starts with one partner making a suggestion (either in action, image, seed, etc.) that finds traction in the soul/desire of the other. If the Word and Holy Spirit are not stronger influences, we will quickly find ourselves scaling the walls…and even giving our partners a chance to stand on our shoulders to see over or a leg up to start the climb.
It is in this area that the sexually resistant spouse can be an asset. We need to have a “stubborn” spouse who will not be dragged over the wall, and who will not let their lover go over either. This deals with the sexual standards that God created that we both (at least in our heart of hearts) want to honor. I am thankful to God that Connie and I have this in our marriage. We have (thankfully) always remained inside the walls, even when one of us may have had an inkling to consider something beyond them. Please don’t misunderstand this to mean that we were tempted with or suggested some huge sexual perversion. A ball that lands out of bounds by one inch is no more in play than one that was out by several feet.
There are four main borders that we will be covering in Great Married Life. We will not explore them in detail now, but they are important enough to bring up as often as we can.
1. To the North of Sexual Eden, there is the border of Exclusivity. This simply means that there is no room for others in our sexual union. We don’t bring them from our pasts. We don’t bring them in the form of images. We don’t bring them in the form of comparisons. We don’t bring them in the form of expectations. We don’t bring them in the form of insecurities. We don’t bring them in the form of fantasy. We are in the garden alone. We must be alone with God and our lover in every way – in the physical where our spouse can see AND in the mind/heart where only God can see.
2. To the South of Sexual Eden, there is the border of Servanthood. This simply means that we are motivated by humility and service in our sexual union. Sexual ego originates from the world. The idea that “because I am able to give you this pleasure, it makes me feel powerful” is a thought that belongs to the fallen sexual mind. Sexual servanthood is the mandate of Scripture. When we enter our marriage bed with the desire to serve, selfishness is put out of doors. In this context, we are not trying to show our spouse our power; but instead, we desire to reveal our love.
Husbands, as sexual servants, you make your wife’s complete and total sexual fulfillment your goal – by any God-endorsed means necessary. You are not trying to please her to affirm your manhood. You are trying to please her because you are the one that is God-ordained to satisfy her desires. Abandon the notion of trying to make it happen on your terms. As long as you are within the Eden boundaries, fulfill the scripture and please your wife. You can do it. You are anointed. Think about it. When your wife comes home with a trunk full of groceries from the store, you don’t unload the car to show her how masculine you are. When her car won’t start and she is stuck on the side of the road, you don’t come running to prove that you are a real man. No. You are not showing her your toughness, but rather your concern, commitment, and compassion. When she needs help, you don’t want her to call her daddy or a friend of yours. You want her to look to you.
When she has called you stranded on the highway and she sees your car coming over the hill to rescue her, she is not thinking, “Here comes the toughest guy in our city. He can beat up anybody.” No. She is thinking, “It matters to him that I am okay. No man in the world is more focused on me as a top priority. He loves me.” This same attitude must prevail in the bedroom. You should be communicating to her that if there is anything at all that she can think of that would make her happy, then it will be your pleasure to do it. And, I can promise you that it WILL become your pleasure. The only time that you need to feel like you are less than a man is when you will not invest the time to serve her sexually as SHE desires, not as you dictate. When you hear the word “servant,” don’t filter it to mean weak. Was Jesus weak? When He washed the disciples’ feet, was He weak? So also, you are not weak when you humble yourself to make sure your wife is not walking through your married sexual union wishing there was something more. You’re attitude should be this: “Sweetheart, because no man could love you more than I do, there is no other man that will sexually serve you more than I will.”
Wives, as sexual servants, you are accepting the responsibility of fulfilling your husbands sexual needs AND desires. I realize that this is a hard idea to digest, especially when you are not sure where the boundaries are or that he has a desire to respect them. We will address all of that in time. The key for you now, however, is to stop wrestling with the idea that fulfilling his desires makes you weak or trashy in some way. It does not. It makes you loyal and beautiful. It gives you true power, the power of our Lord. He was not the one who sat to be served, but the one who served. Can you see yourself as a sexual servant to your husband? Aren’t you already a servant to him in many ways? Do you ever prepare his favorite meal, even if it is something that you don’t like? Do you ever go to his favorite restaurant, even if you always have a hard time finding something that you like on the menu? Do you help him with his clothes? For his birthday, would you make his favorite cake? Why? Why do you serve him in these ways? Because, you are his wife and it is a joy to you. In fact, it just feels “wifely” to do things like this. There is something that is fulfilled deep inside your heart when you get to care for him in these ways. You are his friend, his sidekick, and his loving servant. If NO ONE else cares to cater to him (or even really knows how to) in these ways, you do. Who else will fold his underwear or make sure he has fresh towels? Who else will make sure his favorite chips get purchased in the weekly grocery run, or his favorite lunchmeat? Who else knows how he takes his coffee or what value meal to pick up for him on the way home? Who else serves him and makes him happy in little ways like you do? Can you carry this same attitude into the bedroom? You must, because in that bed, NO ONE else is authorized to serve him in that way.
Wives, be careful that when you hear the word “servant,” that you don’t hear the word “slave.” Servants are pleased to do what they do. Slaves do so against their will. I have been a servant in my home, my marriage, my church, to my man/woman of God, etc. for many years. This has included everything from picking up trash to cleaning up vomit to conducting homegoings, to preparing meals, to carrying bags, etc. I have NEVER one time felt like a slave. There were some things that I had to do that were not convenient or preferred, but it was never FORCED upon me. Sexually speaking, neither women nor men are to be slaves – in their own minds or in the minds of their partners. It may feel erotic to think of each other or ourselves that way – as a slave – even in slight ways, but it is not within the Eastern border of Eden.
3. To the East of Sexual Eden, there is the border of Dignity, Mutuality, and Respect. This simply means that we CANNOT allow our sexuality to be expressed with the intent to degrade our partner. No one is superior or inferior to another. This must always be kept in mind.
To be clear, let me state the obvious fact that there is of course a biblical order of headship to consider. This authority for the husband is even to be found in the marriage bed, but it must not be misunderstood (as is almost always the case with clothes on or off). When it comes to the husband being the marital head, it is put in the context that both husband and wife are in submission to Christ. In this respect (submission to the Word and adherence to its dictates), they are equal. In fact, the reason that they take on the position of marital head and body (Ephesians 5) is that God has willed it so. If He had willed the reverse of this (women as the head), then we would have to honor that for the same reason. We would do it, not because we thought it right, but because He has wished it to be.
In the current state of the life, however, it is not only clear in Scripture that the man plays the headship role, but this is further expressed in nature. We will never escape the physical reality that the male is the giver and the woman is the receiver. The woman is the one who physically opens to receive the man. The semen is released from the man to the woman, and not the other way around. The woman carries “his seed.” This is established by God. It is His order.
This brings us to some precarious dealings in our discussion of Great Married Sex. Our forefathers in the church mistakenly took this headship to a level that God had never intended. They took it to the place of inequality. The fact that the man is the scriptural and natural head is beyond dispute. It is the application of that truth (especially in the marriage bed) that is the subject of much fair discussion.
In our passion, there will forever be the consideration of the man taking his bride. The images this evokes are of a naked wife lying on her back and spreading her legs for the man to insert himself. This simple sexual position seems to embody most puritan ideas of sex, but it is only a partial picture. In this light, there is (as there should be) a little role-play. The husband playing the part of “Sky Father” while the wife plays the roll of “Earth Mother.” It must be kept in mind, however, that this is only the role we “play,” not the roles we really have. The woman is only “acting” as if she is giving herself to the man and yielding to his will. She can’t be really doing this, of course, because she has already promised her will to another, namely God. In like manner, the man only “pretends” to be taking his wife and exerting his will/desire over her. Again, this is only an act for he knows that (1) not only does she belong to God first, but (2) he also belongs to God himself. He cannot really desire or attempt to dominate her because he knows that they are equals. They are both made in God’s image. They were both given dominion. They both are supposed to be naked. They both have a right not to be shamed.
Let me further add a point of clarity. It is NOT unladylike to assert yourself sexually with your husband. Many church fathers believed that if a woman were truly submitted, then her only posture would be on her back. Over time, she even found herself bereft of a right to pleasure. As generations passed, it became “common knowledge” that women don’t NEED, DESIRE, or even HAVE TO ENJOY sex. This was only a false conclusion that came after many years of on a road paved with wrong assumptions. When we reached the dead end of this ideological road, we settled on a mythical, rhetorical question: “Does the average woman even like sex?” The distortion was so huge that it became accepted that only “bad” girls had crossed the boundaries and awakened their sexual desires. “Good girls” knew their place, which was to sow pleasure, but not reap it. Only the “fallen ones” were the ones who could/would ever want sex or have any expectation about what it SHOULD be for them.
Interestingly enough, it is because of this very line of thinking that there is so much mystery surrounding female sexuality. By the time most of us were married, we ended up with a confused state. Men are very often (rightly or wrongly) sexually advanced (at least with themselves). Even if they have had no/few previous partners, they are often very familiar with their own bodies and own sexual desires. Women on the other hand, may have never been introduced to their sexual selves. They may not even be sure that the sexual being within them even exists. Then, there are those wives that are so familiar with their sexual selves (or at least think that they are) that they want to forget that that “bad” girl ever existed. They also wish that the ghosts that haunt that girl were not still close enough to trouble them. And, let’s not even discuss the issue of molestation here, the waves of which continue to pound the beaches of many a Sexual Eden, even though they are only the byproduct of an offshore earthquake from long ago.
We are now at a place in society and in the church (thank God) to demystify this subject. Sadly, the issue for many (not all) women is a dual battle, where as with many (not all) men, it is singular. Men have often explored a lot (even if in thought only), and they are used to following the trail of pleasure where it leads. For men, most of the questions center on the issue of boundaries (i.e. is this okay?). For woman, it is often another matter. Many (not all) are not even sure what it is that ignites their SEXUAL passion. They know what makes them feel close or intimate, but are not as familiar with what makes them burst out with desire. Women, therefore, find themselves on a dual path. First, they are exploring to see what feels good and what trails are worth investigating further. Secondly, they are battling which trails they are bypassing because they “know” that they are not enjoyable v. which ones they are bypassing because they “know” that they are not proper v. which ones they are enjoying that they “know” they probably shouldn’t be v. which ones they are enjoying that they “know” are safe and right. This can be a lot of torment.
In an abstract, but not significantly unrelated way, this liberation of the Married Sexual woman parallels the 1960’s struggle for civil rights. As powerful as the passing of the Civil Rights Act was for blacks and other minorities in this country, another deeper and more disturbing question arises immediately thereafter. It’s a question that we must answer for the next generation of whites (and blacks) coming up. If the previous generation of whites was “gracious and enlightened” enough to “grant” civil rights to minorities, why was their “permission” needed in the first place? Why did blacks need a law that recognizes them as equals any way? Did whites need this law? If these rights are inalienable, then why must some have fought for them? And when they fought for them, why do we as a nation have a law about them? Did a white man ever need a law that said he is 3/3 of a man instead of 2/3? Then, why do blacks need a law to “affirm” their full humanity?
Again, I know that the civil rights comparison is a stretch, but the issue of women’s sexual expression does share a similarity. Once we read all of the books explaining that sexual ecstasy is not only POSSIBLE for women, but also PERMISSIBLE, and once we discover “consent” to pursue it with abandon, we are faced with a question that we must address for the next generation of young girls and women: Why do we not need books to teach men to be sexually interested and inquisitive? We owe it to get free and whole ourselves so that we may be properly prepared to raise up the next generation to enjoy what others had to “fight for.”
I conclude this Eastern boundary with this recognition: Yes, I know that men and women are different in their sexuality. This is natural and beautiful. My objective is not for men and women to become sexually the same, but to be seen as sexually equal. We must raise our sons and daughters to recognize this. We must raise our daughters in a way that is sexually sober. We want them to know their desires and their bodies. We don’t want to them to offer sex for what love should provide. Finally, we don’t want them to occupy a place of lesser voice, lesser right, lesser desire, lesser dictation, and lesser dominion in their marriage bed. Remember, the occurrence of inequality in their union did not arise until after Adam and Eve were under the curse. We have been redeemed from the curse. Let us get back to a pre-fall mindset in the marriage bed to match our pre-fall stance before God.
4. To the West of Sexual Eden, there is the border of Love. The gate to the garden is located here. We often want the free exploration of our Sexual Eden, but we do not know how to enter at the door. It is love, not passion that gives us our entrance. If we don’t feel loved by and don’t know how to give love to our mates, we cannot enter the garden. If we ever lose the feeling of being loved BY or lose the skilful expression of love TO our mates, we will find that we lose the enjoyment of the garden any further. Though we may still have sex, it is NOT the Sexual Eden type of sex that God intends.
Love is a vast subject. We could devote ourselves to its definition and expression for thousands of years. Mankind has and will continue to do so. For the purposes of Great Married Sex, I wish to outline a few of the many bricks that make up this Western wall:
A. Communication. How do you rate your satisfaction with your ability to discuss things with your spouse? Do you feel that you can freely speak? Do you feel that you are clearly heard? Does your spouse? What topics have you never gotten to the bottom of? What topics do you know it is better to avoid? What topics have you just given up on? Even in the marriage bed, how often do you TALK about your sex life? Without shame? Without recrimination? Fulfilled lovers talk. They talk often. They talk well. They talk on the surface. They talk down to their very guts. The deeper and fuller and more consistent the talking, the greater the sexual intimacy will be.
B. Commitment. Do you feel and communicate an unqualified, unwavering commitment to each other and your marriage. Is there any sense that it might not last? Is there any sense that one or both partners may be happier elsewhere? Is there any sense that one or both may not be happy with each other?
There will be moments and seasons during which your mind wanders to thoughts of what could have been, etc. This is human. There will be feelings about “what if this?” and “what if that?” etc. These are fleeting. There will also be seasons of withdrawing and introspection. These happen. The key is how your heart responds to them. Do you linger? Do you cause your spouse alarm or do you affirm them? If either of you is carrying the feeling that the other is not committed at the same level, Sexual Eden will remained closed.
At the end of the day, if you are not honestly and fully persuaded in your heart that there is no other place that could be better than where you are and who you are with, then there is a problem. You need to take it before God. Talk to someone if you must, but get to the bottom of that feeling. People think that committed marriage means that they must settle. It does not. Some also think that it means to have every fleeting desire custom made for them. It does not. Marriage commitment is when you have decided that you have found the person that you are going to make a go with and that the journey IS the prize. You are not going to a good place or remembering a better one. You are just here: in the present, with each other, as a family, and as a team.
C. Partnership. Are you together? Are you building a life and family together? Are you just roommates? Do you have two lives? Are you too afraid to go alone, but too unskilled or hurt to dive totally in? If you are not BEST FRIENDS and LIFE PARTNERS in every way, you will not see Sexual Eden – no matter how much you are having sex. Please know that I am not speaking of parasitism, where there are not two living beings, but only one that survives off the other. This is not God’s intent. God wants two folks that have joined as one to live life and walk His Will out together until eternity.
Are you household partners, parent partners, money partners, ministry partners, meal partners, obstacle-overcoming partners, planning partners, snuggle partners, etc.? If your partnership in these things isn’t prospering, then your joint venture in Sexual Eden won’t fare well either.
D. Be kind, not cruel. Mean men and curt women will not enjoy the benefits of receiving full Sexual Servanthood. Be nice, not just when you want sex, but always. Be helpful. Be polite. Be a gentle man. Be a gentle woman. Don’t be touchy or snippy. If you are ever unkind, repent (from your heart) and repair with slathered on affection, affirmation, and a DEMONSTRATED commitment to change (not just a promised one).
You will be surprised how long the damage of cutting words and insensitive actions lingers, especially in the marriage bed. It seems like sexual intimacy is the last place to be healed when there has been hurt in a marriage. What is surprising is that the hurt doesn’t even have to involve sex or sexuality. Sometimes it can be a simple remark about an in-law, a lack of acknowledgement, a lack of offering support/comfort, or even a failure to show appreciation regarding an accomplishment that can undermine the fullness of our garden enjoyment.
Why can things like this affect our sexual union so quickly, but the repair take so long to take affect in our beds? I think that the answer is that we are forced to fix it in other areas first. We HAVE to live together, parent together, eat together, etc. We have no choice. We, therefore, often work through problems and conflicts only at a level deep enough to facilitate the things that we have to do. Full sexual expression is something different. We don’t HAVE to have it; we GET to have it. When we repair damage enough to function in our “have to’s,” we often stop short of re-opening the path to our “want to’s.” We may even move sex (or various sexual actions) over to the “have to” category. We will be repaired enough to have intercourse (or manual service/masturbation) on a semi-routine basis. We may even broaden this to include oral sex, etc. if one partner feels it is necessary to keep the peace. The issue here, however, is that Sexual Eden is not a place of sexual minimums and requirements; it’s a place of freely pursued and freely offered sexual bliss.
When we are truly in Sexual Eden, we will know because we will find ourselves in the middle of two dilemmas. First, we will discover the need to pull ourselves back from our expressions of marital passion because we have to re-enter the real world. We will come to a place where we have to stop being sexually and passionately intimate, simply because we are people with jobs to go to, kids to feed, alarms to wake up to, church to attend, etc. We will feel the need to take a break from sex and sharing, because the needs of life are calling us.
Once this happens, we should find ourselves in the second dilemma. Now that we have taken a break to “be responsible,” we should feel the call of the garden pulling on us. We should begin to crave the aloneness, the nakedness, and the shame-free abandon. We should long to explore some more. We should long to visit previous places of sexual discovery/bliss again and again. We may pass each other in our daily routines as clothed and normal citizens of earth, but we do so with eyes that say, “It is only because life is restraining me that I am not in the garden with you right now.” This is the life of lovers who live in Sexual Eden.
What about you? Is life a necessary, but sometimes frustrating interruption of your married sharing (both sexual and otherwise), or is it the other way around? Does life and responsibilities interrupt the Great Married Sex you are having? Or, does having free and explosive Married Sex interrupt your life? The answer is important. I am not implying that children, work, etc. are a burden. Those things are all part of a fully blessed life too. My question concerns the matter of where Great Married Sex falls on your list of life priorities. Is it near the top? Near the bottom? Do other things get dropped before it does, or do you feel like it is one of the things that you never have time to give real attention to?
In Sexual Eden, you will find that the laundry having to remain unfolded or the dishes having to be left until the morning occurs more often than sex having to be rushed or postponed. Here, women will find that rushing through a shortened shower and a poor job shaving their legs is more acceptable to them than getting out of bed in the morning before sexually serving or being served by their husbands. In Sexual Eden, men will find that they are okay being behind on their favorite shows and less up-to-date on the latest sports happenings, because the evening time that they spend with their wives brings them much great joy.
When it comes to full sexual exploration and enjoyment, have you “been there and done that?” Or, do you live in a continual state of “I want to, but can’t?” It is understandable to be busy at times. It is understandable to be tired. What you have to watch for is having time and energy that is always directed somewhere other than intimacy with each other. If you are routinely in a place of blissful intimacy, where neither of you feel like you are sexually lacking, then all of the other life pursuits are approved and endorsed. If, on the other hand, one or both of you is not routinely experiencing your fill of blissful intimacy, then priorities need to be evaluated, and real, honest, repercussion-free discussions need to be had.
Those are the boundaries of Sexual Eden. If you feel like you are working and getting them firmly in place, then you are ready to start exploring. If so, we begin our journey in a surprising place: The Power of Married Masturbation. Ohhh, let the journey begin.