Okay, here goes. We need to start to lay the ground work for our new group. There are some things that we need to cover so that everyone is on the same page regarding what this group is and is not. It is required that ALL members of the group read this initial post. This way, we will hopefully avoid confusion along the way. With no further ado…
1. This group is an extension of Connie’s and my role as Pastors. We are doing this not as sex gurus or relationship experts, but rather as under-shepherds who have a heart to see God’s wholeness and blessing in couples’ lives.
2. This group should actually be know as “Great Married Sex” because that is what most of what we will cover will be centered around. Connie and I spend literally hundred of hours per year teaching couples and singles about having powerful relationships. We do this at church and through the web. We have prayed about and sought an outlet to minister in this area as well. For obvious reasons, there are just certain things that we cannot share in a pulpit setting. Even with marriage workshops, etc., there is so much discussion, teaching, and information on the subject of GREAT MARRIED SEX that we could not schedule enough time to cover it all. We had thought about making this a part of our website, but had no way to filter who was seeing the content. At least on FB, we can be fairly certain that we are only allowing married couples to access this information.
3. This group will discuss married sex from almost every aspect possible. We will not cover everything at once. We have TONS of stuff to share. We want this to be like any other investment that you would make in your home and family. This is no different than if you were to sign up for a parenting tips group, cooking recipes group, cost savings/coupon group, and exercise/weight loss group, or a financial planning group. You would be delighted to get tips of the day, recipes of the week, articles, factoids, etc. bc they would help improve you/your life as a husband, wife, father, mother, employee, etc. Great Married Sex is a way for you to get information to help you as a lover – take it as nothing more or less. It is just one more source for Wisdom and Inspiration that can help your life be better.
4. Not all of this is IN the Bible. I am certain that there are some that will want to be over-spiritual about this topic and say that the things that we cover are not in Scripture. Phooey! We are Christians and Ministers, and while we recognize that the Bible sets the boundaries for what is to be considered Wisdom, it does not contain ALL of the practical KNOWLEDGE that you need to live your life. Take for example the subject of finances. The Bible is full of scriptures that tell us to save and invest. We know that saving and investing is a spiritual principle. We also know, however, that it never mentions 401K/403B. These are NATURAL things that we have to gain knowledge of. These things are OUTSIDE of Scripture, but not APART from it. There is a difference. The truth is that 401K’s etc are just one layer of saving. You can add IRA’s, GST’s, Indexed Life Insurance Retirement plans, etc. All of this is good and accpetable before God, not because it is in His Word by chapter and verse, but because it is in HARMONY with His Word.
5. There are certain boundaries that we must respect in God’s Word when it comes to this subject. We will talk about these a lot. One of the things that we weighed out heavily before the Lord was how what we cover in this group could be misused. We didn’t want to be a source of temptation or a source of conflict in people’s homes. We discovered, however, that the need that people have in this area is worth the risk of the few that will use what we say in a wrong manner. If the truth be told, there are things that Connie and I preach every week that people twist and turn to mean something else, ususally something that will protect them from the change that God is requiring. We are unphased. We are hoping that this draws people closer togehter as anointed lovers. Shame be on those that use it for other impure purposes. Your no different than little boys wanting to look at National Geographic magazines to see topless indigenous people. You have taken what is purely intended and used it otherwise.
6. We are not here to be lectured by folks or berated with Scripture. We are going to post things that not everyone agrees with or believes. If you have legitimate questions, we will help however we can. If, on the other hand, you wish to mask your challenges as questions (ala the Pharisees), we ask that you simply remove yourself from the group.
7. SOME OF WHAT WE COVER MAY SHOCK YOU! This is going to be an honest examination of the subject of married sex. We purpose not to vulgar, but we will also not always be clinical. We are not doctors. We want to deal with this subject on an authentic level. We know that everyone’s sexual background is not the same. We are making certain assumptions about the group that your relationships are solid enough in friendship, honesty, trust, vulnerability, communication, partnership, domestic support, etc., to be able to share with each other on an UNINHIBITED level sexually. That being said, some of what we cover may not be your cup of tea. We are okay with that. To be honest, not everything we cover will even be ideal in our minds. We are hoping, however, to deal with subjects that are affecting the people that we minister to in our ministry week-in and week-out.
8. We are going to have a rating system for this group. PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO IT. The higher the level goes, the more intense the content. If you are squeamish, we advise you to stay away from the heavier stuff. Trust me. I am sure that couriosity will get the best of you at times. That is okay. You are a married person and you are in the legally recognized crowd that is allowed by God to have your mind “go there.” You just need to own that if you looked at something with a high rating, we are not responsibile, You were warned. Here are the ratings:
SWEET: Designed to help fan the flame of romance and desire. This can be anything from the Kiss of the Week to ideas of how to express your love.
SENSUAL: Designed more around the physical acts of love/lovemaking. THis could be anything from the Position of the Week to ideas to heighten passion.
SEXUAL: Designed to deal with expanding your physical relationship and to help you learn and explore new levels as lovers. This can be anything from non-intercourse related sexuality to advanced techniques for the seasoned lovers. These will almost always be GRAPHIC, but none of them will be PORNOGRAPHIC.
9. A great portion of what we will deal with in Great Married Sex will be discussions, questions, surveys, etc. We will also share great things that will get you having discussions as a couple. On ocassion, we will be dealing with questions from members of the group (sent to our inbox ONLY please). Again, this group was set up as a place of ministry. KEEP IN MIND that Connie and I are approaching this from a third-person perspective. What we cover here may or may not be what we do in our own Married Sex life. That is neither here nor there. Connie and I would never try to make what works for us into something that works for everybody. At the same time, we would also not withhold subjects or topics just because they were something that we were not interested in. At times, we will share our personal struggles, battles, obstacles, and keys to victory. YOU KNOW US (at least me). Transparency is what we do! Just know that unless we are referring directly to ourselves, there is no need for you to try and fill in the blanks. Also, don’t be freaked out to hear your pastors talk in temrs of sexual things. We have a GREAT marriage and a GREAT love life. Why would you or God want any different for us. That fact that you may not have ever imagined us talking in these terms or about these things is simply because we are rarely in a place/setting to do so. It is almost as silly as when someone sees me at the mall on a Saturday and says, “Oh my gosh! You’re in shorts! Wow. I didn’t even know you had them. I only see you in a suit.” I laugh on the outside, but on the inside, I am SMH. I am thinking, “You only see me for 2 hours on a Sunday. Do you think that is my entire wardrobe? It’s July. i’m at the mall with my kids at a playground. Did you think that I would wear a 3-piece Armani to such occasion?’ Of course, I know what they mean and I am not really curt or condescending, but you get my point. It takes folks a minute to adjust to seeing me “regular” like that. The same applies here. Connie and have two kids, one of which is definitely Connie’s (joke) so you know that we must have had sex at some point. And here is what’s more, WE KNOW YOU HAVE SEX TOO. What makes it pure is that we don’t let our minds go there about people…it is not bibilically right to do so. So take what we say at face value and don’t try to fit us in every scene.
10. ONE FINAL THING: There is a good chance that YOU WILL GET SEXUALLY AROUSED as you read and learn in this group. That is the idea. It is no different than if you read a great article on talking to your teen without yelling and you began to immediately think about how you could implement it at home. Or, if you were to see something on Oprah about food combinations and you talked about it at dinner and the changes you were going to make in your diet. Great Married Sex is designed to take you to higher heights in your married sex life. Feel free to feel the feelings that God placed in you as a man or a woman. The pure thing, though, is to channel them and direct them towards your spouse. One of the things that we will echo over and over again is the beauty of exclusivity. The idea that you share sex and all of its surrounding components (desire, appetite, fantasy, imagination, secrecy, and “nakedness”) with only ONE human being is part of what makes married sex fabulous. If this group sparks a new desire, skill, dedication, excitement, anticipation, etc. in your MARRIAGE BED, then our mission accomplished.
Those are the rules of the road. There will be more as we go I’m sure. If this doesnt work, we’ll just pull it and figure out something else. We are aiming for something really special here.
Let’s have some fun.